China has left me with so many incredible memories, I learned so much from their culture, their people, and their cities. Shanghai, seemed almost identical to New York City in most ways, but slightly different in others. One difference in particular…

This one difference has appeared over and over, bothering me more and more each time. I would like to preface this by saying that I am fully aware that each and every culture has differences and those differences are never a bad thing – just different and sometimes hard to swallow if you are not accustomed to them.

The first time this difference appeared was on the Subway in Shanghai. Grown men will push and shove for the seats on the subway, pushing women, children, and elderly out of their way with no remorse. I have also witnessed men intimidatingly stand above sitting woman looking at them, expecting them to get up and give them their seat, which they do. Comparing New York and Shanghai, the men treat the women differently. It is clear in China that for some reason, most men seem to think they are superior. China might be technologically ahead of us in many ways, but the US seems to be winning in Girl Power.

The second was the most impactful for me. At my internship, there was a large ground of Chinese interns. All girls, these interns are graduate students who are doing this internship to strengthen their professional knowledge. Each day we eat lunch together, talking as friends. One of the interns mentioned that she finally was “allowed” to break up with her boyfriend because he finally got angry enough at her that she felt it was “angry enough”. She expressed that she has not liked her boyfriend for years, but she has never been “allowed” to break up with him because she didn’t have a real reason. Confused, I asked her to elaborate. What did she mean? They are only dating and not liking him isn’t a good enough “reason”?

The other Interns piped-in. No, they said. Most of them could not stand their boyfriends. However, unless they cheated or showed a lot of anger they could not break up with them. They had found “good boys” and “their parents would be very angry” if they broke up with a “good boy” simply because they didn’t like them. These girls acted like these boys were doing them a favor by dating them. A Favor.

If you go into parks on a weekend in China, you will find parents in their fifties trying to advertise their unwed children. In China, if you aren’t married by your mid-twenties you are considered old to be unmarried. These parents make signs, advertising their grown children’s height, weight, education, and redeeming qualities and network with other parents, trying to find a match for their children.

With all of this said, China is evolving, especially in the cities. As I continued my conversation at lunch with my fellow interns, they were curious on my perspective towards dating and women’s roles.  I’ve gathered that they seem to think I’m a little crazy on my views and I’m fine with that. Regardless, they seem to find my thoughts interesting and outlandish and always ask what are my “American” views. I went on to say that they are only young once and being independent is key. If you don’t like a boy, leave and find a new one. Riveting stuff, I know. Girls don’t have to do the laundry, stay-at-home-dads are real, and you can really do whatever you want. Not what other people want.

Anyways, I’m happy to report that after my long speech about Independence, one of the Chinese interns approached me yesterday to tell me that in fact, she had dumped her boyfriend after our lunch. Never be afraid to share your views.